Perspective should change us…when we were once naive to how we were living, but then come to understand or understand in a new way – we should change, right?! I wish perspective could stay as fresh as when it first illuminates the need to think about things differently in life. But it usually wears off when normal routine kicks in. How do we stay that raw, that changed [in our minds at least]? I believe that in that moment, our most vulnerable state of mind – we can make decisions and commitments that can truly changes us to be the best individual possible on this earth. I have to have hope that these instances of change happen enough in my life to grow, mature, and be a more loving individual.

Today, I gained perspective…on life, the need for love, the frailty of life, how we are not in control. And nothing I do, no matter how significant, can change a student’s life…only Christ is the hope they need. Frank is on suicide watch – he has been swallowing pencils, they don’t have any other way of hurting themselves. Some try to use their shoe strings, so they get these orange slip on shoes they call, “Bob Barker’s”. They even use erasers to burn their skin, until staff find out. Home-made tattoos using a pencil lead are common, they will even bang their head against their bed or wall just to feel the rush of pain, the adrenaline rush is their fix to fulfilling their fix, at one time on the “outs” they used drugs, alcohol, or sex. They are in a room with only their very deppressing thoughts and a staff person checks on them every 2 minutes. The most a psychologist does for the kid is talk about their self-worth…nothing about living for a higher calling. This calling that echos in eternity with a future, living for more than yourself...living for Him who has changed our lives forever.

I am helpless, I can do nothing, I can’t say anything that will help…so I pray, I ask for Christ to give peace the we can not comprehend why we feel it. I ask for comfort, as if God was in the same room, wrapping His arms around him. I can’t…I can’t even hug him, I can’t pat him on the back…I have to stand outside the door, cold talking through a shatterproof glass window. There is nothing I can do. We are not in control of this life, He is and that should comfort us…that should change things – perspective, it should change us. It SHOULD change us!